The Chapman Zone Dave’s Blog

I gave up smoking…..again!

I was in Queen Alexandra Hospital A&E on Sunday night, and there was an elderly gent on the other side of the curtains from me (at least, I hope he was elderly), coughing his lungs out, puking, and generally not having a very nice time of it. He sounded in a great deal of distress. Now, I have no idea if his illness was smoking related or not, but it got me thinking “I don’t want to end up like that”.

So, once I got out of the hospital, I smoked one more (the ceremonial last cigarette), and on the drive home chucked the last three or four that I had out of the window.

Now, this might be a great thing. But then again it may not, as I have in fact given up smoking on at least six previous occasions, all of them for a lengthy period (six months to a year). Every time, I just started again. Sometimes it was a stressful experience that spurred me to take it up again, other times I just stupidly decided “what the hell, I fancy a cigarette!” and started again.

Also, every time I quit, I make these promises that I will get fit, take up sports, start riding my bike, join the gym, etc, etc. and never actually do it. Needless to say, I have made the same promises to myself this time as well…..

‘Rut’ might be too strong a word - I’m not unhappy at all, but I am feeling a dissatisfaction with most of the elements that make up my life at the moment.

I’m trying to come up with a suitable analogy that would sum up how my life is at the moment, but nothing is ever that simple, and no one particular cliche seems to do the trick. It may be because I don’t actually know what I feel like, which I realise partly contradicts the first sentence above. At this particlular moment right now, I feel that maybe my life is in a ‘holding pattern’ - I’m carrying on doing the things that I need to do because they need to be done, while at the back of my mind I wonder if I shouldn’t be doing something else.

I’m hoping that by writing this down, I might start to make some sense to myself, and maybe get an idea of where the problem lies. I often find that when I write in this blog, once I get going, the words just tumble out of my brain through my fingers, and it occasionally helps me to suss out what is going on in my head. Most of the rants that appear on this blog are written in this way - I get wound up about something and then just start writing. No pre-determined direction, I just let the post go where my subconcious wants it to.

So I guess that this is a little bit of self-counselling going on. Cool!

So what are the component parts of my life at the moment, and how am I doing with all of them?

Work: Writing this in the order in which they come to me, work springs immediately to mind. I know I have to work to earn money to pay for necessities and stuff, and I know that most people, given the choice, would not work. That doesn’t stop me from feeling that spending eight hours a day at work is the biggest waste of time. This is not your bog-standard ‘work sucks!’ type moan though. I would not be able to sit around and spend the rest of my waking hours in pursuit of leisure were I able to quit the 9-5 tomorrow. I would have to find constructive things to do to better myself and contribute to society, so this moan is not motivated by laziness.

I am in a bit of a lull at work at the mo, as I am in the middle of the gap between two phases of work, and I spend most of my time trying to pass the day by finding little things to amuse myself. It’s BORING!

Added to which, I work in an organisation that is flushing itself down the toilet. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I work in the Civil Service. Sh*t pay, ever diminishing job-security, an incompetent senior management team that seems oblivious to all except their own self-serving, too many levels of heirarchy, a union with no fight left in it, no respect for staff, the organisation basically has no idea. I feel like I’m coming to work in a place where every living soul here is a puppet, suspended by strings controlled by yet more puppets, and so on, with no end. These puppets seem eager to have their strings pulled by their masters, so that they may do their bidding, and are fearful of deciding for themselves what is the right course of action. They may talk a good play, but when it comes to the crunch, they simply dance to their master’s tune. That is true of every level, and there are a lot.

Actually, that’s a clumsy analogy, and not really revealing of how I see the place. I have to be careful writing this stuff, as I do not know who from work actually reads this (if anyone). Needless to say, I try to do a good job while there, but it is not somewhere I want to be. At all. Any enthusiasm I had for the job has been slowly choked out of me.

I’m not planning on quitting anytime soon - I can’t afford to. Then again, I wonder if I can afford to stay (see ‘Money’ coming up later). I feel stuck there - not moving forward or upward, just carrying on, day aafter day.

I think I should balance this out a little, as I don’t want you to think that I am currently wallowing in a pit of despair. The work itself can be quite engaging - it allows me to indulge what little creative talent I possess (to a point), and I enjoy a measure of freedom in how I work my day. I get in whenever I feel like, due to flexi-time (which is a double-edged sword), and can leave when I feel like it (within reason - I still have to work a 37.5 hour week every week). I am also able to train in the Adobe software that I use every day, although this training has been stymied by an incompetent IM setup (the setup is incompetent, not the staff, I should stress). The people there are pretty decent, although I do choose to keep to myself most of the time, and I don’t go out on the organised social events whenever I have a choice. My boss is really easy-going as well, which helps a great deal.

In essence, I know damn well that I could easily be a lot worse off. Still, there is so much wrong with that place that it really is not a pleasure to work there. Last year’s Performance bonuses are due to be paid at the end of this month, but I have not heard yet if I shall be getting one. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I bloody well deserve one this year, and if I don’t get one there’s going to be some major aggro. I guess I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it, and find out how much my contribution matters to the department…

I think I shall set myself a goal: by this time next year, if my situation here has not improved markedly, I shall be working somewhere else. I can’t let my life slip by in such a meaningless way…

[I should point out that I started writing this on Friday, and finished it on Sunday]

I had the most stonkingly fun day I’ve had in as long as I can remember yesterday.

Going from left to right, that’s Martin, Tom, John (below), Limpet and myself.

Originally, we had planned to go to Thorpe Park for the day, but John proclaimed that “driving to Alton Towers and back in one day would be nooooooo problem!”, so we altered our plans somewhat.

I set my alarm and woke up at half past four yesterday morning. Now, normally I set the alarm for half past seven, and when I wake up I think “sod it” and go back to sleep till I feel like waking up and going to work. Yesterday, I was up in a flash, and while getting myself ready, John texted me to say he was on his way round, so I bagged up my toast, and put my cup of tea in a flask, by which time he was already outside.

We then went to pick up the other three, who fortunately all live right near to each other. When we got there, they were already on the street waiting, and did some wierd little jumping-running around-dance type thing when they saw us, which was rather humourous.

The journey up was fun but uneventful, except for when we stopped at a service station and I dipped my entire crotch in a puddle of water on a wash basin table:

How’s that for placement?!

Anyway, 197 miles down, and we finally got to Alton Towers, by which time we were all getting really excited. Limpet and Tom in particular, as they were both on their second can of Relentless by this time. Relentless is one of those high-caffeine energy drinks - I had a swig, and all it did was make me need to stop for a p*ss about three times in the space of an hour!

When we got there, the car park was almost totally empty, so we got a space right near the monorail entrance. For anyone that hasn’t been, Alton Towers is in the middle of nowhere, and built in the middle of some beautiful countryside. And it’s massive. You can’t actually see any of the rides or attractions from outside, like you can at Thorpe Park (and I did spend the last twenty minutes of the journey looking out the window for any sign!). When you get out of the car, you have to jump on a monorail to get to the entrance, which is about a mile away. This monorail takes you through the park, so you get to have a look at a few of the rides as you roll past.

Now, I should pause at this juncture, and state that I have only ever been to a theme park once before in my life - I went to Thorpe Park a couple of years ago, and totally sh*t myself on most of the rides. Before this point, in my defence, I had only ever been on rides in small fairgrounds like Southsea or Whitley Bay (donkies years ago), so I was totally unprepared for rides like that. Since that time, I have wanted to get back there to see how I enjoyed myself now that I know what to expect. I was also mindful of the fact that the other guys going would have absolutely no fear of anything this park had to offer, and I did not want to be the pussy of the group, so I was even more resolved to make a good account of myself.

So, we get off the monorail and into the queue. Or rather, the front of the queue…nice!

We had the buy one get one free tickets, but since there were five of us, that was going to cost a little more, so John accosted a couple of blokes who did not have any offer tickets, and asked if one of them would like to get in for half price. It was a nice touch to the start of the day, as we got in cheaper overall, and some random stranger got a nice surprise to start his day off.

We were still half an hour early, but that went really quickly, then we walked really quickly towards Nemesis. John was the seasoned veteran of this park (compared to the rest of us), so we let him dictate the order of play for the day. A bit more waiting for the ride to open, then we legged it along the route to the actual ride. In fact, we ran so fast that, by the time we got there, the next people (who must have been walking) had not got there yet, so we had the whole first ride to ourselves.

[I've just popped back up from further down this post, so say that I am not going to describe all the rides in any detail. Instead, I'm just going to embed some Youtube links of the rides at the appropriate places when I get home.]

I would probably recommend to anyone who has not been on a big rollercoaster before, not to choose Nemesis as your first ever, unless you’re one of these people who wants to prove that you have big brass balls - it is easily the most intense ride in the park. It’s one of those rides where you hang down below the rails, so the ride pushes all the blood in your body into your legs and feet. It is a seriously awesome ride though! I got the usual butterflies beforehand, lessened somewhat by being totally knackered by the run from the ride gate to the ride itself. I was a little pensive, truth be told. Not about getting on the ride, but rather about how I would respond to it - would I enjoy it, or would I confirm to myself that I am a total p*ssy when it comes to theme parks? Well, I’ve already revealed above that I enjoyed the ride, so problem solved, demon exorcised, bring on the rest!

We went onto Air next, which is the one I was looking forward to the most. Aside from the disappointment of not being entirely horizontal (I assumed you would be lying flat on your front, but you are in fact held in the seated position) this was my favourite ride of the park. Not as intense as Nemesis, but still intense. I tried to follow John’s advise to just flop in the seat, but I had to look up. It’s difficult to absorb it, the whole park spinning in and out of your vision, one second blue sky, the next the ground rushing at you; one second you’re coasting around a smooth curve, the next your being spun wildly over and over. Maybe that’s the great thing about these massive theme parks, you cannot get bored with the place even in multiple visits, because it takes multiple goes on the ride to fully appreciate the experience.

Next up was Ripsaw, and our first soaking of the day.

It’s difficult to remember, even though it was only yesterday, to remember what order we did stuff in - there was just so much to do. I’m going to have to consult the map of the place - back in a sec….

Right. We went on to do the runaway mine train next, which was more your old-school rollercoaster. These are still cool, because although the newer ones are more extreme, the amount of restraints and padding do make you feel more secure - the older ones just have a bar that goes across your knees, and you move around in the car a lot more.

Then on to River Rapids, which was pretty uneventful (and relaxing) except for Limpet mooning one of the security cameras.

We then had a quick go on Duel, which was a cross between a ghost train and laserquest. Good fun, but the fingers were hurting by the end of it.

The Flume was great fun, and soaking number two…well, for Limpet and Tom anyway. Because there were five of us in one bathtub (ooo-er!) every time we went down a flume, the tub ‘dug in’ to the water more than an empty one would. The first flume was a mild splashing (Oh yeah, should explain that we went biggest (John) at the back, smallest (Limpet) at the front, so it went John, me, Martin, Tom, Limpet. The second one was in a tunnel section - totally pitch dark. I felt the tub go up the ramp, along the crest, plummet down the flume, the sudden slowdown at the bottom, the sound of the massive swell of water rising up and engulfing Limpet and Tom, the screams and shouts of shock of cold and wetness, the peals of John and I dying of laughter….I think we made the most noise on that ride of anybody that day.

We then went over to the Splash Kart Challenge, which are these little electric boats that you drive around this course. We were told (I think) not to ram each other, but did we heed that instruction? Did we f*ck! It cost £3 to ride, and you’re only supposed to get two laps, but because there was no one else riding, we got to go on them for ages. Not long enough though……it’s never enough!

This is the point where I start to get fuzzy….I can’t remember if we went on Spinball Whizzer next:

…or Oblivion:

Oh well, they were both awesome. I have to confess, I did shut my eyes on Oblivion (my only shameful moment of the day….oh, except for wetting pants at that service station of course). I didn’t actually close them for the whole thing - I had no fear of the ride as it happened, except for the usual adrenaline rush you always get, and was fine all the way up the ramp, along the crest, even to the point where they stop you as the car is just leaning out over the drop. The drop was cool, and it was only when we entered the hole that I closed my eyes, and that was only because they spray a mist of water in the hole as you enter it (for effect, and it looks very cool). As it happened, I kept my eyes shut for the rest of the ride. Whether it was some vestige of my subconcious telling me “hey, you’re supposed to be terrified!”, or if it was just because the ride was over so quicky, I don’t know.

A quick go on both Enterprise and Submission, then over to Rita and the Corkscrew….via the bungee trampolines:

…they were knackering!

Rita is a speed launch, and they aren’t kidding. There’s a fair bit of rollercoaster as well (it lasted longer than I expected), but the first corner (probably because we’re going so fast) nearly ripped my head off as it hit the rather thin shoulder restraints. Oh well - minor issue.

Corkscrew was one of the first ever of it’s kind, and was made in 1983 (I think)…and boy does it show. The ride is as rough as buggery!

Still, it’s all good.

Then, a quick go on Soakasaurus:

Which soon degenerated when Martin hit me in the balls full on with a water balloon that did not break immediately on impact, and then everybody else got in on it. I gave as good as I got though, and we finished with a few water balloons launched into the audience for good measure.

I managed to persuade the others to have a quick go on the chair swing, before we went back to do Blade, and then Nemesis and Air again.

I’ve got to say, that it was an amazing day. The guys I went with are probably the most fun people I have ever met, and they made an already brilliant day even better (cheers guys!). I’ve been back a couple of days now, and I already want to go again! The adrenaline that I used up on Thursday must have been a good supply, and I wanted more thrills on Friday.

Oh well, we have all agreed to make this an annual thing, with Thorpe Park before Summer holidays, and Alton Towers after. We’re going to make a weekend of it next time, with a stop off at Drayton Manor on the way up, camping at a Scout site, then going to Alton Towers the next day.

Seriously, I can’t f*cking wait - now that I’ve properly popped my rollercoaster cherry, I want more!!!!!!

The ‘MM’ stands for ‘Martin’s Mohawk’. I’ve never actually called it that before, nor does anyone else, and I don’t know why I called it that just now. Anyway, I was just round at Martins place, delivering a letter for Tyler about Scouts, when Martin pops his head out of the window.

His smooth and fuzzy head, that is. The mohawk, the legend, is no more!

So, in tribute, here’s a couple of pics: