The Chapman Zone Dave’s Blog

No, not the ‘F’ word, or the ’see you next tuesday’ word.

I’m referring of course to:

‘Diversity’

‘Equality’

‘Health and Safety’

‘Child Protection’

Working as a civil servant and working with kids, I have these words vomited over me with alarming frequency.

They used to have meaning. Once upon a time. Once upon a time they represented a more enlightened philosophy, that people could be treated fairly, and be provided with safe working environments, and feel safe from harm and persecution.

Nowadays they mean something slightly different.

What do they mean to those who use them the most? I’m thinking upper and middle management of larger organisations, and in my experience of course, this equates to the Civil Service and the Scout Association.

They mean nothing. They are simply words that are rained down from above upon these people. Words that are accompanied by orders to proliferate them as widely and as frequently as possible.

Actually I lie. They do have a meaning to these people. In fact, the words all share the same meaning, at their heart. The meaning is simple:

‘Tick in a box’.

Seriously, thats all they mean! At my place of work, we have to fill in performance agreements every year, that list our targets and objectives for the coming year (what it is we aim to achieve and what standards we aim to reach). I have just received an email from our HR department, listing the mandatory diversity objectives for this year, objectives that have to be included in my own personal list of targets this year. I have to promote a ‘culture of diversity’ within my area, apparently.

It’s stuff like this that greets me every morning, with the express purpose of pissing me off before I begin a days work. To ‘demotivate’ me if you will. Empty hollow words, spewed by empty, hollow people.

I’m sure many of these people have lives outside of this place, families, social circles, interesting hobbies. When they come in here however, something switches off. Something goes to sleep. I think that something is ‘Passion’. ‘Enthusiasm’. ‘Self-determination’.

There’s no room for any of this here. We are simply required to fulfil a predetermined set of criteria. Of course, one of those criterion for managers is to ‘promote respect and recognition of staff contributions and celebrate success’. I just read that off a poster that has been put up near me (I assume to motivate me) to explain the senior management teams ‘vision’.

Reality bites frequently here though. I’ve spent the last few years having all my contributions ignored, humoured, and more recently, directly squashed and sabotaged. The simple reason for this is that my management don’t want any more hassle than they already have. Contributions that rock the boat, that challenge the status quo are not welcomed. People just want an ‘easy life’, including my own management*.

The really insane thing is, that they have already achieved their goal of ‘promote respect and recognition of staff contributions and celebrate success’ as demanded by their superiors….by putting up the poster.

By putting up a poster they have taken action, and can therefore tick the box that says they have achieved the objective set out in their performance agreement. There’s no requirement to follow up on these posters, to see to it personally that these values are put in place. Nope. Just put up the poster. It ticks the boxes: its got an ‘inspirational’ picture of a team of rock climbers acheiving a summit (expertly posed and choreographed - I imagine the summit is about ten metres above sea level); it includes words like ‘respect’, ‘vision’, ‘united’, ’supportive’; it has a cool acronym - let me share it with you:

Respect and recognition
Action and
Integrity
Shared vision
Effective decision making

…do you like that? Do you see what they did there? ‘RAISE’. Yeah? Do you see it now? Cool isn’t it? I feel more motivated already…

Actually the good thing is, I do feel more motivated. More motivated to get out. I have been saying this for years though. Maybe my hatred for this place will actually reach a level one day where I do take action and find something that actually has meaning to do as a job.

If any of my Scouts, ex-scouts or any of the hockey players read this blog ever….stay out of the rat race kids. Trust me. Follow your dreams. Chase them. Cherish them. Stay debt-free. Take a job that actually means something to you personally, where your actions have a direct effect on the business, and you feel the connection between your efforts and your rewards.

Take advantage of school - learn all you can. The opportunity will not be there forever, and you will regret not using it while it was available. Even if your teachers are complete pricks, even if the system is unfair and corrupt in your eyes. Take advantage of it - use it to serve your own ends, to better yourself. To prepare yourself for a life of prosperity…and I do not mean just money.

Take risks with your career choices. Maybe they will fail, but you will be able to live the rest of your life knowing that you at least tried…and that is worth more than money. Money doesn’t matter, honestly. Make enough to live, and then live. Don’t live to work, unless you find (or make) that job that gives you meaning. The people that tell you to earn more, to buy more, to borrow more - they say all this stuff only to take your money, to enslave you in debt, to use you for their own ends. Don’t trust anyone that stands to make money from you. Don’t ever trust them.

Don’t ever trust them.

Take my advice kids, and maybe you can avoid the soul-destroying numbness that you have to strive to find and impose upon yourself in order to survive the 8 hours a day, every day, stuck in places like where I work.

You’ve got one life kids - go out there and live it. These minutes you’ve just spent reading these words? You’re never getting those back. They’re gone.

Life has the potential to be truly wondrous, but you have to make it so yourself. If you wait around, and allow others to determine the course of your life, you’re not in for an easy ride…it will be…..well, it will be…..

‘meh’.

Carpe diem. (If you don’t know what it means, look it up)

[More cheerful posts to follow...]

*I should add here, that there is one link in my management chain that is seemingly genuine about wanting to help me in my situation, and seems to have more than an ounce of integrity. This has not been put to the test yet, so I reserve judgement for now…

The natural law of equilibrium says that in all things, balance is the natural state, and all ecosystems/mechanisms will strive for this balance.

The economic model that is currently disintegrating around us has been built on a foundation of greed, lies, illusion, power, all things that seek imbalance and unfairness. The economic collapse is nature’s way of giving us the opportunity to restore balance to our global relationships, but instead, governments only want to restore the system as it was - to restore the imbalance. To keep the rich rich, and the powerful powerful. To constrain that which would naturally expand, and prolong the life of that which would naturally wither. To “maintain the status quo for the wealthy elite”, as Bill Hicks often said.

You can’t work against nature - you will ultimately fail. This attempt to restore the current economic system will either fail at this attempt, or in a few years time when the cycle repeats itself…only next time, the fall will be all the greater for the delay.

Either way, its going to end in tears…and probably blood.

…to the world around me. Global affairs I mean.

So I wake up this morning, and perform my usual morning ritual:

1. Alarm (mobile phone) 1 goes off at 07:00. I awake to the mellow ambient strains of Equinoxe Part 1 by Jean-Michel Jarre. [Actually, I always seem to be awake before it goes off - does anybody else get that?]

2. Think ‘Bollocks’, turn it off, then go back to sleep. Well - half sleep.

3. Alarm (mobile phone again - it allows me up to eight alarms a day) 2 goes off at 07:30. This time, Steve Hackett tries to persuade me to get up with a rendition of his rather wonderful Spectral Mornings [I opt for songs that start off gently, so as not to jar me from my peaceful slumber too harshly - what a softy!]

4. Half awake this time, I ease myself up into a seated position, and begin to daydream about this woman that I’ve recently developed a horrendous crush on.

5. At 07:45, dad comes up with a cup of tea for me. Bless him. Daydreaming continues, abated only by a bit of small talk with the old man.

6. At 08:00. My third and final alarm goes off. I haven’t gotten round to putting a third song on the phone to wake up to yet, so it’s one of those god-awful stock ringtones that comes with the phone. At this time, romantic scenarios are cascading through my brain, maybes and what ifs, idyllic moments, infinitely preferable to going to work and dealing with the utter f*ck ups that currently prevail. So I continue to daydream.

7. 09:00 rolls around. The blissful daydreams become spiked with the harsh realities of the situation - it’s complicated. My brain starts kicking me in the balls with thoughts like “she’s with someone, stupid”, and “she’s almost certainly not interested in you in the slightest, dummy” and “she’s way out of your league anyway, fool”, “and you can’t tell her anyway jackass, because you might f*ck up what you have with her at the moment”, and numerous other things of that nature. So I snap out of it, and get up. [In case you hadn't guessed by now, I have self-esteem issues, with which I am not going to go into detail on this blog!]

8. Get dressed, go downstairs, put on the kettle and some toast.

9. Go back upstairs while said toast is doing, go to the loo, have a wash, brush my hair, fret at the sheer quantity of hair that ends up on the brush, as opposed to still on my head, ponder getting my hair cut, wonder what the hell to do with it if I did decide to get it cut, go back downstairs.

10. Make toast and a cup of tea, go back upstairs, eat breakfast while watching a bit of telly, or more likely a DVD if I am in the middle of one.

11. Put on leathers, which now actually stay where they’re supposed to now I have a pair of braces attached to them - hooray! Go downstairs, switch on motorbike, come back inside, put rest of kit on, jump on bike, back bike out of garden, pop it into first gear with an almighty ‘clunk’ (which I am still concerned about, even though some people have told me that it’s normal), head to work.

There you go, that’s my usual morning. Well, weekday morning anyway.

Today though, I completed stage 8 as usual, when my dad said:

“So Obama won then…”

………..

“Oh, yeah…..”

Now I would have gone “YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!”, as I really really wanted him to win, but the truth of the matter was that I had completely forgotten that the election was on.

I got home from Ice Hockey last night (I think I might refer to it that way from now on, so that if I ever get any new visitors that don’t know me, they might mistakenly think that I actually play the game, instead of just standing there in awe of the kids that do, while occasionally remembering to take photos), and got straight on the PC to continue going through the photos from Sunday, and add the ones I just took. Chatted to a couple of people on MSN, then went to bed. No telly.

I used to watch telly every day, sometimes all evening. One of the many blessings that joining 1st Fareham has bestowed upon me is that it broke me of the cycle - I got so busy doing various things (including still trying to have a life!) that I could not ‘commit’ to watching weekly programmes anymore, so rather than watch them occasionally and lose track of what was going on, I stopped watching them altogether. Nowadays, I limit myself to stuff that can be watched as and when, stuff like Family Guy, South Park, cookery programmes (some anyway), Extreme Makeover (Home Edition), although that is getting a bit much for me these days - all that melodrama and sad music, which used to have me in tears, now makes me a bit nauseated, DIY SOS, Match of the day….that’s about it, and I only watch them if they happen to be on when I am channel hopping - I don’t attempt to stay in to watch a particular programme anymore.

I love it! I wonder about how much life I have wasted sitting in front of the telly, just because I couldn’t be arsed to do anything else. But I’m sure I’ve ranted about that in the past, so I won’t go on about it now. I’ll go check the archives one day, to see if I have or not - if not, I feel a good rant coming on, as I haven’t had a proper one in ages!

So anyway, I only occasionally watch the news in the mornings, and after a couple of mornings of it, I get sick of all the bullsh*t, and don’t bother for a few more days. Then I’ll catch another dose one morning the following week.

The election of the first black president of the United States of America fell in between my catch-ups, so once I was informed, I decided to put the news on. Lots of people talking about what this all means for America, the world, the future. Lots of waffle, lots of nonsense.

…I turned the telly off again.

In this age of 24 hour news channels, you can get all the info you need in thirty seconds. Or rather, all you’re going to get that is of any use from them. Obama won, by quite a big margin as it happened, made a great speech, as did Senator McCain who was very gracious in defeat, apparently.

Now to ponder what it all means….

Wow! A black man is the President of the USA. Not one ounce of sarcasm in that last bit by the way, in case any of you were thinking that - this is big. This needs to sink in. I think the full meaning of this will take a while to reveal itself. I am happy that this happened by the way, as (despite what many of my colleagues at work will tell you) I am not a racist.

And the speech was great by the way - I had a read of it on the web. I haven’t read John McCain’s speech yet, but will probably do that tonight.

Of course, speeches are great, but that doesn’t mean that the reality will match the promises. Will Obama make any real change, or will he be another puppet of the corporations and tycoons? Or will he be assassinated by some redneck white-supremacist before he gets the chance?

Call me naive if you like, but upon reading words like his last night, I feel a small glimmer of hope for the future:

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voices could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

……

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; it grew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organised, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

I know you didn’t do this just to win an election and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor’s bills, or save enough for their child’s college education. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree.

And above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for 221 years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity.

Those are values that we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours: “We are not enemies, but friends… though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.”

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your president too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those who would tear the world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you.

And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the colour of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes, we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes, we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes, we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbour and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes, we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “we shall overcome”. Yes, we can.

A man touched down on the Moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes, we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: yes, we can.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.”

God, I hope he lives up to that speech……

So I come in to work from a long weekend off, up to my desk to find a slip of paper on my keyboard, which read:

“Please switch off your monitor before you go home. Think of the environment and save energy.”

All very noble indeed, and I was certain that I actually did turn my monitor off on Friday when I left. That’s not why I write this post however.

No. You see, the Environmental Police must have done their rounds on Friday evening, as this place is too tight-fisted to pay weekend staff. So they came round, saw my monitor was on, and left me a note to tell me to turn it off in future, so concerned are they with the environment…..

…..which begs the question - why did they leave the monitor on after leaving me this note? They take the time (and use the paper) to leave me a note, but do not turn off the offending drain on electricity…….

Such rich meat to feed one of my rants, but I’m too busy here….damn them, actually expecting me to do work…..

I will, however, make one little statement on the nature of environmental politics in this country:

“Top down, Mr Brown.”

Actually, that’s quite catchy……..

Just had a quick soapbox moment at work.

Ever since I made some controversial comments about Enoch Powell’s ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech on the discussion board at work, I have tried to restrain myself from getting involved in any political discussions, especially as I am still awaiting news from my Union National Committee as to whether or not I am getting kicked out because of the aforementioned coments.

But some complete tool here is advocating privatisation as a wonderful thing to have happened to this country overall. What a complete w*nker!!! I worry that a generation of children who attend classes such as business studies are leaving school actually believing that the current capitalist economic model is actually a good thing.

Anyway, since I haven’t used this blog for ages (sorry again everyone!), I thought I’d pop my comment up for your delectation:

Privatisation was, and still is an utterly terrible thing to happen to this country, or any country. There are no positives to draw from it, that woudn’t have occured ten-fold if government had just decided to run it properly themselves.

The only reason it happened / happens is to line the pockets of the already rich and powerful. The only other people who benefit are those with a measure of surplus income, who think it is right and fair to make money by doing absolutely nothing, other than merely having spare money.

It is the epitomy of the criminally unjust society in which we are forced to live.

I really must learn to stop sitting on the fence when discussing these issues…….

It’s funny how one’s enthusiasm for a particular thing ebbs and flows over a certain time period. I had two weeks off over Christmas, and not once did I post anything on this blog. It never really entered my head…or if it did, it was so far down the list of priorities it never stood a chance.

I always take two whole weeks off work over Christmas (when permitted) - I feel it is important to take a decent length break away from the routine of the day job, to recentre oneself, to remind oneself of what it is that really matters in one’s life. (I’m going to stop saying ‘ones’ now (its poncy), and flit hapharzardly around the 1st and 2nd person narrative.) Get up, go to work, come home, cook food, go out, come home, go to bed, repeat. That’s fine if you are doing a job that really matters to you on a personal level - if you are a craftsman, healer, musician, teacher or some other calling that you can really feel proud to be doing for a living. For your work to be your life would be a good thing. Because of the sheer amount of time most of us spend at work, it is easy for the job to become the centre of your existence, where the mind travels to when idle, what you go to bed thinking about, and wake up the same way. Most of us aren’t lucky enough to feel truly engaged in what we do for a living. Sure, we turn up and try to do a good job, to take pride in our work and derive some measure of satisfaction from the day, but when we stop and think about it - about what it is we are using up a massive portion of our life doing - we find that we don’t really care too much for the choice of vocation.

Sure, work is merely a means to an end for most of us, a way to pay for our lives. Problem is, this job that takes up so much of our lives, rules our life, for all of our other plans and dreams and schemes have to fit in with our work commitments. Work becomes the centre of our existence, and for some it even becomes the end itself, not just the means. Take the professional, working all hours to climb the ladder, telling himself that he is trying to improve his standard of living, so that he can afford all the thing for his children that his parents could not. He works dawn till dusk, kisses the boss’ backside, embraces the company line, all the bullshit politics become his mantra - what will he feel at the end of his life, or when he wakes up one morning and discovers that he has missed his children growing up? All that work, all that stress…..what was it really for?

…what was it really for…….what was……what the hell was I supposed to be talking about?

Oh yeah, taking time off. A beauty of being a civil servant is that you get all your bank holidays off (and if anyone reading this begrudges me this right - f*ck you. Direct your anger to those that have taken this right from you, try to lift yourself and your colleagues up, instead of trying to bring total strangers down to your level of misery, you petty minded little sadist.) So anyway, the upshot is that I can take two weeks off work at the cost of only six days annual leave. So I took off two weeks. It’s great, to totally break that routine for an extended period really wakes you up.

So what did I do with my time off? Long story short - I spent most of it at the Scout Hut. We’re (Tiffy and I) doing the work ourselves to the hut, since we’ve been screwed over for long enough. We did a chunk of it in the Summer, but now we’ve got the double glazing in, and the heaters are sitting in boxes waiting to be installed, it’s time to get the damn place warm again. Every day, except for Christmas Day and New Years Day, I was down at that hut. The first few days did not go according to plan, as Tiffy decided that the wiring for the lighting system was so screwed up that he had to replace the whole affair. The place is ridiculously bright now - all the lights work for the first time in years!

After that was done, we got back to the system of ripping out old fibreboard, cleaning up, masticking the air gaps, building the stud wall, padding out with insulation and putting up plasterboard. The plan was to get the heating up and running over the break, but alas, we did not acheive this lofty aim. We have been down every weekend since, and are getting closer…

Although I was knackered from these two weeks, I am glad I spent my leave this way. It’s nice to go from a job where you spend every day on your arse looking at a computer screen, to actually grafting and making something real, and having direct control over your progress. Besides, Tiffy is a fun guy to work with! I should put on the record that he did much more work than me over this period - I was more his assistant than anything.

The only downside to this project (apart from getting glass fibre insulation all over myself) was that I missed most of the Pancake Eating Freaks recording sessions. They went back into The Old Blacksmiths Studio to record all the new tracks they had written since the demo was recorded. I was able to go to the last few hours of mixing on the Sunday, and very impressive it is indeed. Especially good is the intro to ‘Condoms & Ricecakes’ which I will be advocating as the album opener (not that my vote carries much weight - they certainly know their own minds, the Freaks!). They’ve come a long way, and apologies guys if this sounds patronising, but I’m really proud of them. I’ll save the full on, emotional speech for when they secure their record deal…

Did I say “all the new tracks they had written”? I lied. I came into the mixing to discover that they had not recorded my favourite track of theirs - ‘Wannabe’.

No, not the Spice Girls track. After much harrumphing and hoohaa-ing, I offered to pay for an extra day in the studio so they could get this track down. Fortunately, after I had put the deposit down, Kyle said he would go halves with me, which is a relief as I do not have a massive amount of money left in the bank! I could cover it, but it would be a squeeze. Troggie offered to muck in as well, but I have not had a chance to speak to him about it since that day.

So Monday is a day off work, and we’re all going up for the day to make some music. Well, the lads are going to make the music - the only music I will make on the day will probably be from my bottom.

Here’s a little nugget I came across on the work Discussion Board:

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

‘Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the
worm; Life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.’

And a little extra……………………

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600
employees and has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

4 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Which organization is this?

It’s the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks
out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in
line.

You Couldnt make it up could you

‘Rut’ might be too strong a word - I’m not unhappy at all, but I am feeling a dissatisfaction with most of the elements that make up my life at the moment.

I’m trying to come up with a suitable analogy that would sum up how my life is at the moment, but nothing is ever that simple, and no one particular cliche seems to do the trick. It may be because I don’t actually know what I feel like, which I realise partly contradicts the first sentence above. At this particlular moment right now, I feel that maybe my life is in a ‘holding pattern’ - I’m carrying on doing the things that I need to do because they need to be done, while at the back of my mind I wonder if I shouldn’t be doing something else.

I’m hoping that by writing this down, I might start to make some sense to myself, and maybe get an idea of where the problem lies. I often find that when I write in this blog, once I get going, the words just tumble out of my brain through my fingers, and it occasionally helps me to suss out what is going on in my head. Most of the rants that appear on this blog are written in this way - I get wound up about something and then just start writing. No pre-determined direction, I just let the post go where my subconcious wants it to.

So I guess that this is a little bit of self-counselling going on. Cool!

So what are the component parts of my life at the moment, and how am I doing with all of them?

Work: Writing this in the order in which they come to me, work springs immediately to mind. I know I have to work to earn money to pay for necessities and stuff, and I know that most people, given the choice, would not work. That doesn’t stop me from feeling that spending eight hours a day at work is the biggest waste of time. This is not your bog-standard ‘work sucks!’ type moan though. I would not be able to sit around and spend the rest of my waking hours in pursuit of leisure were I able to quit the 9-5 tomorrow. I would have to find constructive things to do to better myself and contribute to society, so this moan is not motivated by laziness.

I am in a bit of a lull at work at the mo, as I am in the middle of the gap between two phases of work, and I spend most of my time trying to pass the day by finding little things to amuse myself. It’s BORING!

Added to which, I work in an organisation that is flushing itself down the toilet. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I work in the Civil Service. Sh*t pay, ever diminishing job-security, an incompetent senior management team that seems oblivious to all except their own self-serving, too many levels of heirarchy, a union with no fight left in it, no respect for staff, the organisation basically has no idea. I feel like I’m coming to work in a place where every living soul here is a puppet, suspended by strings controlled by yet more puppets, and so on, with no end. These puppets seem eager to have their strings pulled by their masters, so that they may do their bidding, and are fearful of deciding for themselves what is the right course of action. They may talk a good play, but when it comes to the crunch, they simply dance to their master’s tune. That is true of every level, and there are a lot.

Actually, that’s a clumsy analogy, and not really revealing of how I see the place. I have to be careful writing this stuff, as I do not know who from work actually reads this (if anyone). Needless to say, I try to do a good job while there, but it is not somewhere I want to be. At all. Any enthusiasm I had for the job has been slowly choked out of me.

I’m not planning on quitting anytime soon - I can’t afford to. Then again, I wonder if I can afford to stay (see ‘Money’ coming up later). I feel stuck there - not moving forward or upward, just carrying on, day aafter day.

I think I should balance this out a little, as I don’t want you to think that I am currently wallowing in a pit of despair. The work itself can be quite engaging - it allows me to indulge what little creative talent I possess (to a point), and I enjoy a measure of freedom in how I work my day. I get in whenever I feel like, due to flexi-time (which is a double-edged sword), and can leave when I feel like it (within reason - I still have to work a 37.5 hour week every week). I am also able to train in the Adobe software that I use every day, although this training has been stymied by an incompetent IM setup (the setup is incompetent, not the staff, I should stress). The people there are pretty decent, although I do choose to keep to myself most of the time, and I don’t go out on the organised social events whenever I have a choice. My boss is really easy-going as well, which helps a great deal.

In essence, I know damn well that I could easily be a lot worse off. Still, there is so much wrong with that place that it really is not a pleasure to work there. Last year’s Performance bonuses are due to be paid at the end of this month, but I have not heard yet if I shall be getting one. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I bloody well deserve one this year, and if I don’t get one there’s going to be some major aggro. I guess I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it, and find out how much my contribution matters to the department…

I think I shall set myself a goal: by this time next year, if my situation here has not improved markedly, I shall be working somewhere else. I can’t let my life slip by in such a meaningless way…

Ah, the 2012 Olympics in London. So much possibility, so much to inspire our young people to get out there and learn a new sport, to excel, to strive. And now we have a logo to encapsulate all that drive, passion and zeal into one focal point. According to the dignitaries of London:

“This is the vision at the very heart of our brand. It will define the venues we build and the Games we hold and act as a reminder of our promise to use the Olympic spirit to inspire everyone and reach out to young people around the world. It is an invitation to take part and be involved. We will host a Games where everyone is invited to join in because they are inspired by the Games to either take part in the many sports, cultural, educational and community events leading up to 2012 or they will be inspired to achieve personal goals.”

Seb Coe - Organising Committee Chairman

“We want London 2012 not just to be about elite sporting success. When people see the new brand, we want them to be inspired to make a positive change in their life. London 2012 will be a great sporting summer but will also allow Britain to showcase itself to the world.”

Tony Blair - Prime Minister

“This is a truly innovative brand logo that graphically captures the essence of the London 2012 Olympic Games - namely to inspire young people around the world through sport and the Olympic values. Each edition of the Olympic Games brings its own flavour and touch to what is now well over a century of modern Olympic history; the brand launched today by London 2012 is, I believe, an early indication of the dynamism, modernity and inclusiveness with which London 2012 will leave its Olympic mark.”

Jacque Rogge - International Olympic Committee President

“This is an iconic brand that sums up what London 2012 is all about - an inclusive, welcoming and diverse Games that involves the whole country. It takes our values to the world beyond our shores, acting both as an invitation and an inspiration. This is not just a marketing logo, but a symbol that will become familiar, instantly recognisable and associated with our Games in so many ways during the next five years.”

Tessa Jowell - Olympics Minister

“The new Olympic brand draws on what London has become - the world’s most forward-looking and international city. That message of welcome and diversity was one of the main reasons for London’s success in winning the Games. We offer the world the same exciting message that in 2012 every athlete and every visitor will feel at home in our city.”

Ken Livingstone - Lord Mayor Of London

Oh wow! I can hardly wait to see it - it’s going to be phenomenal. Something that delivers all the promises made in the above quotes has to be pretty extraordinary, doesn’t it?

Would you like to see it? Well here it is (brace yourself)

Well……

What can one say really?

Its………..well, its………………………

What it is is an absolute pile of shit! I mean good God! Look at it! It’s a bunch of jaggedy lines that vaguely form the numbers “2012″! That’s it! It’s garbage!!!

It’s absolute f*cking garbage!

I’m speechless……..OK, that’s a lie. I work in design, and while I would not even dream of calling myself a fully fledged “Graphic Designer” (although I do whenever anyone asks me what I do for a living) I can tell straight away that the guy that vomited this up from his mind spent a grand total of, ooooooohhhh, I don’t know………twenty minutes on it? The colours are gaudy and irrelevant. The font used for “London” adds nothing to the overall look of the piece (he must have picked it at random)……….

…….you know what? I was planning to spend a good few more paragraphs slating this design, but is really is so utterly bad, that I cannot even find the words to describe it.

And the guy got paid £400,000 pounds for doing it! Four hundred thousand f*cking pounds!!! The bastard must be laughing himself to sleep every night! What a bunch of retarded f*ckwits to buy whatever line of bullshit he must have fed them!

Honestly, this is exactly he kind of thing that shows one of the major weaknesses of our country - our leaders will believe anything they are told. In an age where no one wants to take the blame for anything, everyone in a position of authority turns to so called “experts” and believes everything they say. It’s really great, because when it all goes pear-shaped, they can simply say “I was only acting on advice given from the experts in the field. It’s not my fault!” and the experts can say “Well we acted upon the brief that we were given - if the information is faulty, we can’t be held accountable. It’s not our fault!” And no-one gets blamed. The experts still keep their gargantuan consultancy fees, and the managing director still gets to keep his job…and probably gets to get rid of some lower level staff, just so that he can be seen to be “decisive” to placate the already rich pigs gorging themselves at the stock option trough, when their shares drop by one millionth of a penny.

Am I getting off track? I don’t think I am. Look at the design again, then go back and read all the quotes I put at the top of this post. Look at them all - are they giving you their own opinion, or are they reading from text that was provided to them? And who do you suppose wrote that speech? Someone from a private PR firm no doubt, hired on consultancy to ensure that the minister in question does not do anything stupid, like actually give his or her own opinion. The Olympics has to be sold to the people, they have to be inspired and enthused and brought on-side, so to say what you actually think about this logo would not be in that best interest. Doesn’t matter if it’s the truth - f*ck the truth, there’s money to be made! Every word that comes from an official’s mouth is utterly meaningless today - it is all sugared words spun to decieve us and protect themselves. The media have lost their relevance as well: “A terrible thing happened today. In response to this terrible thing that happened, a Police spokesman says that the Police are very good. In a thoughtful and unbiased response to his statement, a criminal interviewed on the street said that the Police were very bad. This is the news at ten, thank you and good night”.

OK, back to the Olympic logo…

F*ck me, it’s awful.

To sum up, here’s an alternative logo that someone sent me at work - I feel it says more plainly what the official logo is saying to us all:

Here’s one final quote from Lord Coe (all quotes taken from the BBC.co.uk news article here):

“It won’t be to be eveybody’s taste immediately but it’s a brand that we genuinely believe can be a hard working brand which builds on pretty much everything we said in Singapore about reaching out and engaging young people, which is where our challenge is over the next five years.

“If we don’t do that, then frankly the whole project is unsustainable.”

Oh shit - we are going to be humiliated as a nation.

NO! Am I b*ll*cks.

I went to the Wedgewood Rooms last night, primarily because the Pancake Eating Freaks were playing, but also because they were supporting the UK Rage Against The Machine Tribute band. I loved Rage’s first album, and so was keen to see some of it performed live.

I did two trips to Portsmouth, well three actually. First I took Kyle and his drums up in time for the soundcheck at 18:00, then I went up at 19:00 with one of my ex-Scouts, Max, and one of his mates, Matt. We just got onto the M275 when Tom phoned and said that he’d forgotten his capo (that’s the thing that goes on your guitar’s neck to raise the pitch a note or five, in case you didn’t know), and because he had to have it for one of his songs, I turned around and headed back to Fareham to get mine. Fortunately I knew where it was, and got back for about 20:10. The band were on first, at 20:30.

I am intending to make a music video for them, to go with one of their demo tracks “Can I Get Away”, and I wanted some live footage to splice into the stuff I shot at the Dugout and the Old Blacksmiths recording studio (of them actually recording the demo), so I filmed them doing their set. This time, I had the presence of mind to remember my earplugs, as last time I was filming them, I was sat with my right ear smack in the bass bin, and it was making me go a bit mutton.

So how did they do? Well, not fantastic, truth be told. Tom’s guitar was too quiet to begin with (although I think the sound guy turned it up about two songs in. He also screwed up a few parts, especially at the start, but settled into it by the end. Aaron played pretty solidly, but his voice broke part way through a song! Kyle’s arm has been playing up lately, and it seemed to aggravate him again.

Kyle, get your arse to a doctor, or I will rip your f*cking arm off, and beat you to death with the soggy end!

The good thing about them is that when they do bugger up (which, to be honest, happens a lot less than most other local bands I have seen), they don’t go to pieces, they just make a joke of it and press on. I’d absolutely sh*t it if I screwed up (probably), and mess up the rest of the song.

As for the rest of the evening, well, this is where I get back to the title of this post.

Now, I have no problem with loud. I think you’ve got to juice it up a bit to really feel it, or to make that last bit sound slightly less rude (ahem), you’ve got to turn up the volume a bit to get the full effect of the music. The thing is, it is music, and part of the magic of the music is the way the different instruments combine with each other to create unique sounds and harmonies. After all, these instruments have been hundreds, or in the case of drums, thousands of years in the evolving, and the refinement and sheer range of tones and effects you can get from these instuments is mind-blowing.

When you turn the amplification up on these instruments, and get the balance just right, the music can really penetrate to your soul and move you in ways you never knew existed. It can literally change your life.

Turn it up too much, and all those wonderful tones and harmonies fuse into one nasty, tuneless, f*cked up melee of noise, and I think it is a terrible waste. There were two other bands on that night, Sons of Caine and MOFO, and they may have been really good, but unfortunately, I could not pick out anywhere enough detail to remember any of their songs if I ever heard them again. Sons of Caine sounded like they could have been (as Kyle pointed out before they started) a good band in the mould of Disturbed, but again, I couldn’t tell. They had two guitarists, and it sounded like they may have had some good chops, but as far as I could hear, they may have well had just one guitarist - I could not differentiate between their parts at all. MOFO had some good funky sh*t going on, and they were a little more defined acoustically. I was well impressed by Steve, who I met a while ago working at FourFour - he had a real presence on stage, very imposing.
The Rage Tribute Band (I assume this is their page - the links aren’t working) were very good indeed. The vocalist was pretty true to Zach’s original stuff, and the guitarist had all the tweaks and alterations needed to recreate Tom Morello’s more ‘creative’ guitar parts. My only gripe was when they played ‘Know Your Enemy’ (my favourite Rage song), they buggered up the part when the drums kick in after the main guitar riff, and came in too quickly. Well, I say they buggered it up, but it might be that they played it according to the live versions, I’m not sure.

Of almost as much interest was the mosh pit! They were pretty intense in there, but then I guess you would expect that from a Rage Against the Machine gig! I was standing just off to the side of it, and there was some tw*t on the edge of it who lacked the balls to actually get in there, and was limiting himself to pushing people back in, and throwing the odd punch in to the mix. The pr*ck got what was coming to him though, as he connected with someone who saw him do it, and the guy decked him, or rather, he punched/pushed him straight into me,and had to be held off by his mates! I had to be careful where I stood, as I was carrying my video camera. Not that I would have gotten in the mosh pit if I didn’t have it - I haven’t moshed for years, and don’t really ever intend to again if I can help it! Max’s mate Matt got pushed by one of his ‘friends’ in the direction of the main pit, and he got sucked in, disappearing amidst a frenzy of pushing and jumping, just as the whole damn thing collapsed in on itself. Bear in mind that Matt is only thirteen, is quite small, and remembering at that precise moment that I was responsible for getting him home in one piece….I absolutely sh*t it! I was considering how the f*ck to get in there and heave him out when he appeared from a gap within, with a massive smile on his face. Phew!

Overall, a pretty good night, even with all my gripes about the volume and stuff. I don’t go to nearly enough gigs, and I intend to remedy that…but then I’ve been saying that for a few years now. I am going to two in May - first Roger Waters on the 11th at Earls Court, and then back to London on the 13th to see Spock’s Beard (currently my favourite band). Of course - I haven’t got tickets for that one yet, must get looking…

Anyway, to finish this post, the title refers to an old adage: “If it’s too loud, you’re too old”. F*ck that - I like it loud…I just like to be able to hear the music…you know - the melody and stuff?! It is a music gig after all, not a cock-measuring competition!