The Chapman Zone Dave’s Blog

Drunkl…………..  0

Posted on May 16th, 2009. About Random Stuff.

Very very drunk
its eleven o clock at nioght, and U’ve just got back from the solent and gospo[presentation revening at mill road working manes club#

i’ve got a rea;l;y rea;l;y bad case of the giggle s right now
and stying upright is a hervculean task involving leanign in a direction and trying desperatel;y to control momentum in a constructive way thank you very much

just walked home, and had a non stop conversatin with a total;lt random bloke who was just walkign in the same direction

i don’t think i’ve ever been this drunk without having my head lodged in a toilet

oooo - my phone is running out of juice - better recharge it…
could eb some time

that was easy.

hope i didn;t say anything astupid - had a really frank chat with darrin abotu why i love this club so much

and talked bollocks with an aweful lot of the players - whol rule by th eway

and now i rea;;y can;t be arsed to type anymore - need to go drink loads of wayter and take soem painkillers before bedy byes
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The most hideous words in the English language…  0

Posted on May 8th, 2009. About Rants.

No, not the ‘F’ word, or the ’see you next tuesday’ word.

I’m referring of course to:

‘Diversity’

‘Equality’

‘Health and Safety’

‘Child Protection’

Working as a civil servant and working with kids, I have these words vomited over me with alarming frequency.

They used to have meaning. Once upon a time. Once upon a time they represented a more enlightened philosophy, that people could be treated fairly, and be provided with safe working environments, and feel safe from harm and persecution.

Nowadays they mean something slightly different.

What do they mean to those who use them the most? I’m thinking upper and middle management of larger organisations, and in my experience of course, this equates to the Civil Service and the Scout Association.

They mean nothing. They are simply words that are rained down from above upon these people. Words that are accompanied by orders to proliferate them as widely and as frequently as possible.

Actually I lie. They do have a meaning to these people. In fact, the words all share the same meaning, at their heart. The meaning is simple:

‘Tick in a box’.

Seriously, thats all they mean! At my place of work, we have to fill in performance agreements every year, that list our targets and objectives for the coming year (what it is we aim to achieve and what standards we aim to reach). I have just received an email from our HR department, listing the mandatory diversity objectives for this year, objectives that have to be included in my own personal list of targets this year. I have to promote a ‘culture of diversity’ within my area, apparently.

It’s stuff like this that greets me every morning, with the express purpose of pissing me off before I begin a days work. To ‘demotivate’ me if you will. Empty hollow words, spewed by empty, hollow people.

I’m sure many of these people have lives outside of this place, families, social circles, interesting hobbies. When they come in here however, something switches off. Something goes to sleep. I think that something is ‘Passion’. ‘Enthusiasm’. ‘Self-determination’.

There’s no room for any of this here. We are simply required to fulfil a predetermined set of criteria. Of course, one of those criterion for managers is to ‘promote respect and recognition of staff contributions and celebrate success’. I just read that off a poster that has been put up near me (I assume to motivate me) to explain the senior management teams ‘vision’.

Reality bites frequently here though. I’ve spent the last few years having all my contributions ignored, humoured, and more recently, directly squashed and sabotaged. The simple reason for this is that my management don’t want any more hassle than they already have. Contributions that rock the boat, that challenge the status quo are not welcomed. People just want an ‘easy life’, including my own management*.

The really insane thing is, that they have already achieved their goal of ‘promote respect and recognition of staff contributions and celebrate success’ as demanded by their superiors….by putting up the poster.

By putting up a poster they have taken action, and can therefore tick the box that says they have achieved the objective set out in their performance agreement. There’s no requirement to follow up on these posters, to see to it personally that these values are put in place. Nope. Just put up the poster. It ticks the boxes: its got an ‘inspirational’ picture of a team of rock climbers acheiving a summit (expertly posed and choreographed - I imagine the summit is about ten metres above sea level); it includes words like ‘respect’, ‘vision’, ‘united’, ’supportive’; it has a cool acronym - let me share it with you:

Respect and recognition
Action and
Integrity
Shared vision
Effective decision making

…do you like that? Do you see what they did there? ‘RAISE’. Yeah? Do you see it now? Cool isn’t it? I feel more motivated already…

Actually the good thing is, I do feel more motivated. More motivated to get out. I have been saying this for years though. Maybe my hatred for this place will actually reach a level one day where I do take action and find something that actually has meaning to do as a job.

If any of my Scouts, ex-scouts or any of the hockey players read this blog ever….stay out of the rat race kids. Trust me. Follow your dreams. Chase them. Cherish them. Stay debt-free. Take a job that actually means something to you personally, where your actions have a direct effect on the business, and you feel the connection between your efforts and your rewards.

Take advantage of school - learn all you can. The opportunity will not be there forever, and you will regret not using it while it was available. Even if your teachers are complete pricks, even if the system is unfair and corrupt in your eyes. Take advantage of it - use it to serve your own ends, to better yourself. To prepare yourself for a life of prosperity…and I do not mean just money.

Take risks with your career choices. Maybe they will fail, but you will be able to live the rest of your life knowing that you at least tried…and that is worth more than money. Money doesn’t matter, honestly. Make enough to live, and then live. Don’t live to work, unless you find (or make) that job that gives you meaning. The people that tell you to earn more, to buy more, to borrow more - they say all this stuff only to take your money, to enslave you in debt, to use you for their own ends. Don’t trust anyone that stands to make money from you. Don’t ever trust them.

Don’t ever trust them.

Take my advice kids, and maybe you can avoid the soul-destroying numbness that you have to strive to find and impose upon yourself in order to survive the 8 hours a day, every day, stuck in places like where I work.

You’ve got one life kids - go out there and live it. These minutes you’ve just spent reading these words? You’re never getting those back. They’re gone.

Life has the potential to be truly wondrous, but you have to make it so yourself. If you wait around, and allow others to determine the course of your life, you’re not in for an easy ride…it will be…..well, it will be…..

‘meh’.

Carpe diem. (If you don’t know what it means, look it up)

[More cheerful posts to follow...]

*I should add here, that there is one link in my management chain that is seemingly genuine about wanting to help me in my situation, and seems to have more than an ounce of integrity. This has not been put to the test yet, so I reserve judgement for now…

A wee rant about the economic crisis…  1

Posted on March 27th, 2009. About Rants.

The natural law of equilibrium says that in all things, balance is the natural state, and all ecosystems/mechanisms will strive for this balance.

The economic model that is currently disintegrating around us has been built on a foundation of greed, lies, illusion, power, all things that seek imbalance and unfairness. The economic collapse is nature’s way of giving us the opportunity to restore balance to our global relationships, but instead, governments only want to restore the system as it was - to restore the imbalance. To keep the rich rich, and the powerful powerful. To constrain that which would naturally expand, and prolong the life of that which would naturally wither. To “maintain the status quo for the wealthy elite”, as Bill Hicks often said.

You can’t work against nature - you will ultimately fail. This attempt to restore the current economic system will either fail at this attempt, or in a few years time when the cycle repeats itself…only next time, the fall will be all the greater for the delay.

Either way, its going to end in tears…and probably blood.

Woohoo! It’s…..  0

Posted on February 24th, 2009. About Random Stuff.

…Pancake Eating Freak Day!!!

Or something like that anyway….

Eight years to the day…..  2

Posted on February 19th, 2009. About Random Stuff.

…that I’ve been working in ONS.

I hope I can sort out my life and do something else before it becomes nine - I f*cking hate that place!!!!

Win some, lose some…  0

Posted on January 26th, 2009. About Ice Hockey.

The more games I see, the more I am getting into the exploits of the Solent and Gosport Ice Hockey club, and Ice Hockey in general. My local club takes up so much of my available free time however, that I have yet to gain further insight into the wider world of hockey.

Actually, I have dipped my toe into the world of the American National Hockey League (NHL), but only by buying a couple of hockey shirts off ebay - Colorado Avalanche and New Jersey Devils. The New Jersey Devils are now my NHL team (when I start following it properly) - Harry made the suggestion that, since our own ENL (that’s English National League) team are the Solent Devils, it made sense to choose a NHL team that shared the name. What the hell - I have no connection to any particular American city, so the choice of team was going to be compleetely arbitrary anyway, so I can think of a lot worse ways to choose!

I have taken further steps to involve myself in the world of British Hockey - my dad and I are intending to go up to Nottingham to stay with family up there (who are hockey mad) and spend a weekend at Nottingham Arena watching the Elite League playoffs, Hopefully I will be able to pick my cousin’s brains about the wider world of hockey, as I currently do of some of the more knowledgeable parents at the Gosport games. I will hopefully have the dosh to pick myself a Nottingham Panthers shirt while I’m there - my Auntie Elaine would no doubt disown me if I dared to support any other team!

But I think my first love will always be with Solent & Gosport - I find that as I get to know the players in the teams, my enthusiasm for their performances increases. At the moment I know all the players in the Under 10’s 12’s and 14’s teams (and by ‘know’ I mean know their names - I have met and spoken to many of them though - and I could probably tell you all the numbers of the Under 12’s and 14’s players), so they are the teams I am most keen to watch. There’s something about kids playing sports - the way they can throw themselves heart and soul into the moment, and play with passion, not to mention the whole learning experience - winning and losing, fair play, sport as a metaphor for the game of life and all that. I imagine that there is a degree of vicarousness (is that an actual word?) about it too - “I wish I’d done this when I was their age”.

[Although I am still hopeful to actually play rec hockey at some point in the not too distant future!]

But anyway, I’ve just witnessed the best weekend of local hockey so far, but before I go into that, I better take a few steps back, since I not posted about a few postworthy things…

[You'll notice that I have not apologised for the lack of posts like I normally do - I've decided to stop apologising for things I don't have any need to apologise for, as I do that too often. Besides, half the posts on this blog are apologies for a lack of posting, so any further apology would be a bit shallow!]

Twas the third of January - the penultimate day of my Christmas leave. I had been invited to go up to see the Hunters (under 14’s) play a game at Bristol. Actually I can’t remember if I had been invited, or if I had asked to go. Either way, I was keen to go to an away game, as I was by now taking photographs of all the home games of all the age groups, and it was becoming apparent that when taking photographs, one’s ability to properly spectate and enjoy the game is severely compromised - in order to do a good job, you can’t get caught up in the emotion of the game, as you forget to take photos at the critical moments. So when your team score, you can’t cheer, as you need to take photos of the team celebrating. And like I said, as I get to know the teams, I get more caught up in the emotion of the game, so I need to focus harder on doing the photography.

Not that I’m complaining - far from it! Like I may have said before, doing this is by far the most fun I’ve had with my camera to date, and long may it continue. Just that I’m getting so into it, that I want to have my cake and eat it too - I want to watch and enjoy the games as well as be able to photograph them. The answer? Away games!

Easy! I photograph the home games, and watch the away games. And since the season runs over the winter, the demand on my weekends is not quite so intense, so I am freer to attend. This is of course dependent on being able to get a seat in a car of one of the parents, but they are all so friendly, that it seems to be no problem.

So, on the 3rd January, Natasha came and picked me up at lunchtime, and I travelled up to Bristol with Natasha, Sam and Harry, and another hockey family (and another great family may I say) - Tania, Taran and Calum. Taran is a fully-fledged Under 14 (who is going up to Under 16 level next season), while Calum and Harry both play for the Destroyers (Under 12’s), but regularly play up at Under 14 level.

It was a fun trip up, with me and Sam acting like total chidren in the company of the three kids behind us. The game was even better though.

It’s been too long since the game for me to give you a proper review of the game, but it was a fast paced, and by the end, bad-tempered affair (on Bristol’s part anyway). All our supporters were in fine voice that day, and the cheering and chanting was getting very loud by the end. If memory serves, it was 2-2 at the end of the 2nd period, and we got (I think Taran scored them both actually) 2 more part way through the 3rd. Bristol started to get a bit nasty by then, both players and fans alike, and there were a few exchanges between some of their fans and ours, resulting in some Bristol girls getting ejected from the rink. The exchanges on the rink were slightly more intense, with Bristol getting a bit physical as soon as they fell behind. Poor old Paul (one of our Under 12s playing up) was clearly being marked out by Bristol because of his ability, and was getting smashed against the boards at regular intervals. Taran was also receiving similar treatment, and was also subect to some squaring off from the Bristol players, with one of their players even coming up behind Taran and sticking him in the back of his head! The refs managed to miss this somehow, even though we were all going ballistic (especially Taran’s dad, who nearly smashed the plexiglass!). There was even some argy-bargy at the handshakes after the game - Bristol really were a bunch of bad losers.

There was even a rumour that there were 30 Bristol fans outside waiting for us…which turned out not to be true - Sam and I went out to check, and it was just the three girls who got kicked out of the rink!

The ride home was a riot, with more childish behaviour, culminating (for me anyway) with Taran attacking me with his feet from the seat behind. I thought I’d be clever and steal his shoes, only to realise that this exposed his post-hockey, no-shower-yet, extraordinarily sweaty feet, which he proceeded to rub in my face…

Not such a great idea then. Still, I fared better than Sam. As I got out of the car at home, Taran jumpd into my vacated seat, and continued the sock attack on Sam. I found out the next day that he had managed to take them off and stick them in Sam’s mouth at one point!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

So the home games progressed through the rest of the month, with mixed results. I got my first actual game shots of the Hunters, as well as the Cruisers (Under 16’s) and Patriots (Under 18’s), which made a full set of teams. Except for the Scorpions of course - that’s the rec team, and they haven’t started their season yet. Besides, they haven’t actually asked me yet!

There was another away game lined up in Haringey, for which I’d managed to get a set, but it got cancelled due to lack of numbers on our part. A mixture of illness, groundings, and inability to get to a really inconvenient part of London (most of the way round the M25 and then a long way in!) conspired against the team that day. I was surprised at how cheesed off I was at not being able to watch a game!

The Destroyers made up for it the following day (or was it the following weekend?) by winning their first game of the season. It was against the bottom team in the league, but this did not diminish the boys’ sheer joy at winning a game. It was amazing - at the final buzzer they were all hugging and ended up in a heap of bodies on the ice. I felt a little emotional, I don’t mind saying!

But coming back to this weekend just gone. The Destroyers again, on the back of their first victory, travelled to Oxford. This was the reverse fixture of my the first game I watched, when Oxford (a much stronger team than the last one) beat the Destroyers quite soundly. And they weren’t very sportsmanlike about it either (there was a bit of gloating at the end).

Our boys must have been on a high still from the last game, as they played their best hockey I have yet seen. Every member of the team gave their absolute all, and gave their all for the team too, not just for their own glory. It was inspiring!

The parents were being nice and vocal again, and got a little too vocal when a very dubious goal was awarded to Oxford. I did not see it clearly, but the contention was that the whistle went before the puck crossed the line, and also that it did not completely cross the line anyway, but the ref (after talking to the line ref) awarded the goal that put Oxford up 3-2. The parents were justifiably put out, and nearly got our team a bench penalty for being a bit too verbally critical of the ref!

4-3 down at the start of the third period, the lads continued to play out of their skins - even the Under 10s, who were playing a whole line against kids older than them, held their nerve all the way to the end, securing a 4-6 victory at the buzzer - we went bananas! It was pure drama! Best game of hockey I have seen yet!

I was on a high all the way home, and all that night. It was superb!

The next day was back to the job - photographing the Tiger Sharks (Under 10’s) at home against Swindon. The Tiger Sharks are used to getting beaten - they lost 28-0 the previous weekend. Its a very different set up though, with the emphasis on fun and fair play.

This game though…..it was like watching a different team playing. They matched Swindon (who are second in the league) line for line all the way through the first period, and were only two goals down at half time. This was unprecedented as far as I can tell. Unfortunately, they lost their focus and shape in the second period, or simply ran out of steam, but lost…..ummmmm…..9-3 in the end?

They obviously were aware of their performance though, as (even though they lost) they all mobbed Aiden, the netminder at the buzzer (he did play a magnificent game), and were utterly thrilled at the result.

I was thrilled too - it is so difficult not to get caught up in the action and emotion. A massive well done to all the Tiger Sharks and Destroyers for a really entertaining weekend of hockey.

Long may it continue!

…and some more!  0

Posted on December 30th, 2008. About Music.

(I think you can hear me singing in this one!)

And finally…..quite possibly the greatest guitar solo ever (although you need to hear the original to really feel the might of this one…)

More from the Frost gig….  0

Posted on December 30th, 2008. About Music.

Classic sketch…  0

Posted on December 25th, 2008. About Funny.

I was just watching a retrospective on Blackadder, and its true that most people think Rowan Atkinson began and ended with this and Mr Bean, but he was an incredibly funny stand up comic once upon a time…

I shall no doubt grace you with more sketches at a later date…

  0

Posted on December 25th, 2008. About Music.

Youtube vids are very thin on the ground from the two gigs last weekend, but heres a couple I found from the It Bites gig:

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